We're two sisters who have a non-ironic but confused love for Christian Romance novels. These chaste love stories hooked our hearts at a young age. Now, as adult ladies, we've decided to revisit this genre and discuss these works through a new lens. Join us as we discuss bad hair, worse wicker furniture, endearing characters, and what we think our colors are.
Whispersembodies what I love most about the Glenbrook series, in
that post-Secrets, every book focuses on a former B-plot. The name of this B-plot
is Teri, the overly preachy, pastor’sdaughter you
hopefully remember as Jessica's friend fromSecrets. In her own story,
Teri has flown to Hawaii for a 5 week summer vacation to visit her older sister
but also to rekindle the “fireworks” she felt last summer with
Whale Scientist Mark. Sadly, as soon as she arrives, she realizes the fireworks
are dead, and the only sparks Mark feels are for his whales. Teri calls a
spade a spade, and tells Mark she deserves her own whale love. After kicking
Mark to the curb, she spends the rest of the trip being courted by two dudes;
Scott, the cool jock from her high school who is basically one notch above
drifter, and Gordon, a jolly, Australian seminary student and pizza
delivery guy, who is possibly suffering from a decade-old TBI.
Scott's best quality:
Has friend with a boat
OBVIOUSLY chooses sexy Scott and tries to attribute the fireworks in her pants
as a sign of God’s will for their relationship. This, unsurprisingly, doesn't
work, because sometimes a lady boner is just a lady boner. Teri eventually
realizes that she and Scott are not on the same page regarding how important
their relationship with God is to their lives. Unfortunately, this happens in a
super awkward scene where Teri realizes Scott wants them to move in together
before marriage and reacts loudly in a crowded restaurant...while Gordon is
their waiter. Also, Mark and his whale girlfriend are there and see the
whole thing D: Props to Teri though, as soon as she realizes a relationship
won’t be able to give her what she needs, she is gone with a hair flip.
Scott’s all like, “Teri, I’m super hot and I want you back” and she’s like,
“I’m hot, too. Bye.”
Like Nicki needs a caption.
Scott, Teri realizes that God can speak in Whispers and not through pants-sparks-libido-fests and she decides that maybe God wants her to be with the
guy who she enjoys spending time with...Gordon. It’s actually
pretty darn sweet, and I was genuinely touched when they got to together at the
end. Gordon was a really nice guy and Teri just deserves to be happy, okay?! I
may have teared up when they reunited at the end. (Angie: I couldn’t stop
mentally AWWWWWWing for the last ten pages or so). We were never supposed to
feel anything; this blog has gotten out of hand.
is a lot of questionable behavior in Glenbrook. This is where we judge it all.
Teri and Scott are Both Stage 37 Clingers:After non-exclusively
dating Scott for less than five weeks, Teri assumes they are going to get
married. Scott, understandably, thinks she crazy, but not before clarifying
that he was only wanting her to move in with him, as if this too is somehow not
insanely fast. Scott and Teri need an intervention about appropriate pacing of
relationships. Also, on a semi-related note, how is the same lady who
strong-armed her co-worker into Christianity, okay with a semi-Christian
How Great Thou Art:Teri sings a joyous
rendition of How Great Thou Art while hiking alone in Hawaii. This is
knows the only time to sing How Great Thou Art is when you’re crying on the
bathroom floor of a Honky Tonk:
Teri’s Singlehood:Teri is a
26-year-old, unmarried woman, which is nigh on ancient in Evangelical culture.
It’s astonishing that it took until she was 26 for her family to start blaming
her for being single. In real life, she would have been given a subscription to
eHarmony.com every Christmas after her 16th birthday.
looked like a three-year-old in the middle of a tickle war.” [Elise: This is describing an object of sexual attraction...?]
she realized she wanted pizza, and she wanted it now.” [Elise: evidence why Teri is the best]
saw you and Scott in the car just now and it concerned me.” [Angie: I, too, get
concerned when I see two single people who are in their late 20’s kissing each
not my mother, and you’re not the Holy Spirit.”
tell you what's really going down in Glenbrook.
Elise:Jessica and Teri are actually frenemies.
Totally genuine BFFs
Jessica noticed then that Teri’s thighs were large and not at all in proportion
with the rest of her figure. She had hidden her thighs well over the last few
days, but today the white slacks did nothing to camouflage them.”-Secrets
tells me you want to go to Mexico with us this weekend.’ Kyle said. Jessica was
noticed that Teri didn’t wear a drop of makeup, yet her skin was stunning”- Secrets
“I really care about you Jess, I don’t want you to go to hell” -Secrets
thinking about Jessica: “She wasn’t a beautiful woman, but she was lovely, with
a simple, gentle appearance.”-Whispers
responding to Teri’s question about “fireworks” in her relationship with Kyle:
“Oh there are fireworks...That part of my marriage is between Kyle and me.”-Whispers
thinking about Jessica: “She wasn't much of a cook, having grown up with
servants and chefs.” -Whispers
Angie: Scott is an aspiring drug
Scott and Dan (Teri’s brother-in-law) have this idea to corporatize Teri’s
tamales, a family specialty Teri makes on holidays or for her extra special
love interest. At first, it seems as though Scott just has an entrepreneurial
spirit and enjoys Mexican cuisine. But there are signs that something far more
sinister is afoot. First, we have theMoonfish, Scott’s roommate’s
boat which he commandeers all the time to woo Teri with the open ocean and
raspberry wine coolers (which she indignantly refuses to drink). We find out
later that the boat was, in fact, stolen. Next, Scott mentions he has spent
extensive time in South America on “a dig.” That would make a lot of sense if
Scott was an archaeologist, a paleontologist or some other –ologist that digs.
He is not. He is a former high school football player-turned-bellhop. His
interest in Teri is also a little suspect. By her own admission, Teri isn’t the
conventionally attractive/Wonder Bread type that Scott dated in high school.
Why is he so intent on moving in with her and investing in her business when
it’s clear she’s not going to sleep with him any time soon? IT’S BECAUSE HE’S
GOING TO STUFF TERI’S TAMALES WITH COCAINE AND RUN DRUGS ONTHE MOONFISH.You know what masks the smell of coke
so the drug dogs get confused and crave salsa? Teri’s Tamales. Teri’s Friggin’
it worth the $0.01 on Amazon?
is actually so much to like aboutWhispers! First, the moral of this story was less creepy thanSecrets. No one had to
fundamentally change their belief system to end up together. Instead,Whispersfocuses on how easy it is to obsess about a relationship
you may not even enjoy, especially if your living in a culture that thinks
being unmarried at 26 is bordering on spinsterdom. Teri and
Gordon are also great characters.Teri’s
bluntness from the first book seem less obnoxious inWhispersbecause instead of focusing her directness on converting
a car-accident victim, she’s using it to call out lame dudes for being lame.
Teri also calls douche-bag Scott on his high school racism which was
surprising, but amazing to see in 90s Christian romance fiction. Gordon was
joyful and goofy, and managed to be the patient love interest waiting on the
sidelines without ever falling into "nice guy of OK Cupid" territory.
Overall, I give it 4.5 out of 5 cocaine filled tamales!
SOON:ECHOES!InWhispers,Teri's friend Lauren calls to let Teri know that her
fiancee dumped her.Echoesfollows Lauren's story...and the exact plot ofYou've Got Mail.